Poll: Meeting the kids

[danes]

Poll: Meeting the At what point do you think it's appropriate for you to have someone you're dating meet your ? How about having her sleep over at your house (with the there)? What level of interaction is appropriate when? Any general suggestions/guidelines/horror or success stories related to this issue?

[salinas]

good question I'm very protective of my and plan to move slowly with any new relationships. Kids get pretty attached, if something doesnt work out I dont want to have them heartbroken too. I haven't dated yet but expect to ease into casual outings or evenings at home with the occasionally (and of course outings and evenings when they are with the ex) before jumping into major sleepovers or family integration.

[castronova]

Does the age matter? For instance, young versus teenagers?

[dat]

probably My are young. If they were older I might feel differently, but I'm not there yet.

[vardon]

Teen agers have a slightly more adult view reagrding "dating" and the sleep overs. Toddlers...very different. Mine are 4-1/2 and 6. They bond and remember QUICK!!!

[conlan]

I have a teen and willnot put him in a situation again where he loves a parent figure or friend as much as he loved my ex. Any serious dating for me can wait until he has moved on. That is just me. As far as the baby, I will be VERY slow to introduce anyone. She clearly does not like the woman the ex has chosen so I think a little peace at my house is what she deserves. I like onedashTM's answer.

[manasco]

My latest ex didn't "meet" my girls until after we'd been "together" for 2 months. And even then, they didn't spend any significant time with her for some time after that. I will never deny my girls access to people they have known before. If they ask to contact an ex I always help them.

[bloomberg]

I met the daughter fairly soon But I was not introduced as a girlfriend or partner or SO. The child is only 4 so none of those labels mean much anyway. I was just introduced by my name and we had a nice afternoon playing Candyland (which I won - haha). In terms of trying to morph the 3 of us into a family, I am in no hurry. My girlfriend's time with her daughter is THEIR time (she has her 3 or 4 nights a week) and we have the rest of the time for us. I am fine with that. I would never try to encroach or become an insta-parent. I encourage my g/f to put her daughter first b/c she is a mother first and last. I have no problem playing second fiddle in that way. We have no plans to live together (neither of us wants to live together - we just look at it as we both now have 2 houses). Oh, also, shows of affection in front of the daughter are not done. I think that would be confusing for the child and also tacky. She has had enough upheaval in her short life. She needs the security of her mom being her mom without adding PDAs with a virtual stranger to the mix. I think in time, things will naturally evolve.

[gavel]

I LOVE! your answer. I have twin girls. They are 12 now but I came out when they were 4. In the beginning I decided that my would not meet anyone I wasn't serious about. But, as time went on and I learned that you didn't HAVE to introduce your to your gf/partner with the labels attatched! My girls have never seen me involved in PDA with anyone I have ever seen romatiy. The person they do see me with romatiy will be my wife! And as far as age is concerned, I do think it plays a major part in their understanding of the situation. I think it should be handled according to their age. BUT, I learned early on that your , young or old, know WAYYY more then you think they do! AND, each kid has a personality of their own, which I also think should be factored in. I have two girls who are identical in EVERY WAY physiy. But, in no way are their personalities the same! AHHH, I love my ! And, if this woman is anything like me, you must mean a lot to her for her to invite you in to such a personal part of her life! My have only seen, well, three people I have dated. ANd, all three were really special to me in their own ways! Actually, my ex still sees them regularly and takes them for movies and shopping and such. Good luck to you OutandAbout! ANd thank you onedash for being such a good girlfriend to your special someone!

[heatherly]

6 months...or until you think there is a good future. Kids bond quick, younger ones real bad. They trust very easy. You don't want them to think they did something as to why some one left their life as why they are not around anymore. I had someone I only saw for a couple months, last year in May/June...my boys still ask about this person...break my heart.

[hucker]

So, how much would the time change if the "" involved were teenagers?

[vason]

Trust your gut...how do you feel about this person. I would trust as a parent, you would never do anything to throw your children under the emotional bus and rush anything. Let that lead you you. I was lucky...my at 3 and 4-1/2 had NO clue me and the bio-X were a couple. So to them their world multiplied...and not fractured. they can be at my house or the X's.

[lunt]

Well, I'm on the other side of the situation And just getting a feel for it.

[Torey]

Well, personally I agree with misn0mer, it's more than *my* heart that breaks when there's a breakup. Meeting is different than spending time with them though. When they were little I rarely had anyone spend significant time my until I know for sure they are going to be in my life for a long time, whether it's as a friend or as a lover. My girls still talk to some of my exes, and know that they have an extended family beyond our little tribe. When I date someone I do like to check the chemistry with my girls, because how they interact (or don't) tells me how much potential there is for my relationship with her. I try to keep it light and not force anything. Dinner is always good, movies, amusement parks, etc.

[bradwell]

Mine are teenagers and I think it will be a really long time before anyone gets close to my again. What she did to me was difficult enough. What she did to my was much worse. The trust issues are largely mine, and I more than likely go overboard in protecting them. But I won't let anyone hurt them like that again. Not if I can help it. Fortunately, the woman I'm seeing now understands how difficult it is for me to consider allowing anyone around my children. She's willing to be as patient as is needed. If she's not, then I don't need her in my life.

[brammeier]

That's the part I hate the most - when adults enter into a friendship with a child and then "let it go" because their relationship with the child's parent is over. It's irresponsible in my eyes. Luckily, most of my exes weren't like that, and usually the girls are the ones who decide they no longer need the contact.

[vance]

I'm really sorry to hear he's being treated that way. It sucks what they do to kids. OK, I'm gonna go for a walk and cool off. Good thing to do right about now. Talk to you later. I hope your son realizes that it's her loss. Yes, it is his too, but hopefully one day he will see her for the person she is.

[mitrano]

what a bitch....that is all I have to say.